ORFFF - Introduction An Objective Research of Furries and the Furry FandomSausabeIntroduction Being no stranger to the Internet, I often find myself exposed to certain internet subcultures. In general they are harmless, obsessive weirdos with no lives and level 54 necromancers or something. (I am a stranger to MMORPGs for the record.) One internet subculture of note is the Furry Fandom. Furries represent the quintessential internet subculture. They are a relatively small group, generalized by the more odd persons of the group in question, characterized by the same, often parodied, hated and looked down upon and, most importantly, they have a persecution com
ORFFF - Initial Research An Objective Research of Furries and the Furry FandomSausabeInitial Research After a long night of contemplating the moral and philosophical ramifications of structured religion, I decided I truly did need to stop procrastinating and get on with this madness. So I tried, naturally, and failed, naturally. Nothing out of the ordinary. I had attempted to contact several of these elusive 'furry' folk. They replied to me with: just about nothing. I tried a fox, a deer, a wolf, and another wolf, and what appeared to be some type of wolf. STILL NOTHING! I encouraged on of my friends to confront a furry at his college for me, but he disappoi
The Fox and the Moral The Fox and the Moral of the Story: Another Anthropomorphic Children's Fable with a MoralSausabe Once upon a time there was a forest that had yet to be bulldozed and turned into a mall. It was not an enchanted forest by any means but given that it is a fable with the aim of portraying a moral message to children who read it, one can only assume the animals living within it are entirely sentient. Indeed, the society that has been established by the animal inhabitants is a rather complex one. Not only do the animals get along and settle their differences with efficiency much greater than that of human societies but there is an inexplicable
Constantine Eastwood ET - 05 Constantine Eastwood and the Electric TambourineTier 5Sausabe Ben stumbled back to his college dorm. His long blonde hair would have been flowing in the breeze had it not been stopped by the wolf ears he was wearing. Nobody understood him. Not even he did. He hated his boss, the Boss. And he hated coffee. He hated the taste of vodka, and he hated his size 14 feet. He hated the French and he hated mustard. He tripped over a stick, and promptly began hating it. It was a dark and stormy night. The wind hit him in the face like a wet shirt hits one in the face, except this was wind and Ben wasn't expecting anyone to take their shirt off f
Constantine Eastwood ET - 04 Constantine Eastwood and the Electric TambourineTier 4Sausabe Constantine's chicken was gone and he had nothing to do. (By nothing to do, I mean he could either do his work or sit around stare at various mildly interesting things.) So he sat there staring at the wall, which was, at that point, the most interesting thing in his sight. He blinked once. He continued to stare. He blinked again. His left eye then twitched. He began wondering how many staples it would take to fill up a grain silo half full of custard. This went on for several more seconds until he blinked again and lost his concentration. There was an amusing FAP FAP FAP so
Constantine Eastwood ET - 03 Constantine Eastwood and the Electric TambourineTier 3Sausabe Ben was a furry. He worked at Starbucks and thought he was part wolf. He wore fake ears and a tail and purred when pet. When asked why he purred if he was a wolf, his reply was "'Cause I feel like it, asshole!" And damn it, he felt like it. "Hey, wolf-boy, don't be shedding in that coffee, aye?" Screamed the Boss. The Boss was fat. Very fat. So fat that he could not walk without support of he'd shatter his ankles and his spine would be crushed. So he had a metal brace and training wheels surgically attached to his back. "I don't shed, asshole, I'm only part wolf. Jeez
Constantine Eastwood ET - 02 Constantine Eastwood and the Electric TambourineTier 2Sausabe Constantine Eastwood was sitting at his office desk when he received the phone call. "Just another normal phone call" he thought as he nonchalantly picked up the receiver. He placed it to his left ear; "Hello, Mr. Eastwood?" "Yes. That is me." "I'm from the Department of Poor Crippled Kids who Need New Pancreases, and I want to know if you had anything to donate-" "Piss." "What?" "Piss." And then he promptly hung up. This put Constantine in a fowl mood. He appropriately decided to go buy some fried chicken. Across the pond, the very bad people were up to no go
Constantine Eastwood ET - 01 Constantine Eastwood and the Electric TambourineTier 1Sausabe Maxwell Anderson stubbed his toe. It hurt pretty bad. He was also being pursued and shot at by a Dark Figure. Maxwell had been working undercover on a supposed criminal organization of unknown name or origin and was apparently found out. The Dark Figure fired another round at him. Maxwell exalted as the bullet flew within inches of his genitals. He ran into a convenient dark alleyway in hopes to lose his pursuer, the Dark Figure, but found he was blocked by an inexplicable and generic brick wall with a trash can near it. He screamed something very profound and explicit. Th
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